Looking back on it now, I honestly have no idea why I allowed myself to be sad for so long. It’s not like I had all that bad of a life, sure there were sad things in my life that happened but nothing that wasn’t happening to people who were perfectly happy and thriving regardless around me. In all honesty, I pushed so many people away from me and allowed so much nonsense into my life because I was sad all the time and brought the mood down and I was down right mean to people that didn’t deserve it. I thought that I was a victim of the world and that everyone should feel bad for the trials and tribulations I had. When really, the biggest problem that I had was that I didn’t respect myself and my self esteem was TRASH. I was only a victim of the reality that I created for myself and I was doing absolutely nothing to change the pattern, the only thing I was doing was feeling sorry for myself. I wanted someone that was going to save me, love me and make all my problems go away. Silly goose, the only person who was capable of doing that was ME. A friend once told me, when you are crying in the shower, who is the one that makes you stand up and turn the water off? YOU TURN THE WATER OFF. I spent so much time letting negative energy define me, that I never put the time into defining myself in the ways that I needed. The only thing that is truly standing in the way of the future that you want is yourself. There is not a single human on this planet who is not going through something in their personal lives and odds are, the person has it way worse than you. In the moments where you feel hate, replace the hateful thought with gratitude and see where that takes you.

A few months after I started college, I started working at a tanning salon and the owner is one of the greatest human beings on the planet. She even let me leave and come back on more than one occasion. She did everything she possibly could to get it through my thick skull that I was the key to my own happiness, I was just too set on the fact that being a sad bitch was my identity and the only way I would have an “edge” was if I stayed sad. She bought me a book by Louise Hay called “You Can Heal Yourself ” and begged me to read it but of course, I wasn’t ready to take it seriously and appreciate it till years later. I have to say, now that I’m happy, I feel like the baddest bitch on the planet and my edge is the fiercest that it has ever been. Anyways, back to the book. I will say, until you are absolutely ready to take your life and future into your own hands don’t read it, you have to wait for the perfect moment in order to believe in the juju. We are one positive thought away from changing every fiber in our being. We are giant balls of energy, both positive and negative. The more positive energy that we can produce internally, the less room there is for negative energy. I’m not going to spoil every detail of the book, but the gist idea is that when you are sitting there saying how much pain you are in and how terrible your life is, change your thought. Pain is temporary, breathe in and breathe out, maybe do some yoga or some stretches and fight the pain. Just see what happens when you don’t let your anxiety or anger win. Changing your thoughts is the first step of changing your life. Obviously, Rome wasn’t built in a day, this is not something that is going to change over night. It is not an easy transition, but once you do it and see the high of the other side, you’ll begin to chase it. The main thing is that you see that you are the person who is in control of your happiness, if you aren’t make it a priority than no one will.

Allowing someone else to be in charge of your happiness is setting both you and them up for complete failure. If you can’t make yourself happy, how the hell is someone else going to make you happy?! My fiance, is a precious angel and he inspires me to be the baddest version of myself that I can be. When I start to be a saddie, he brings the baddie right back out. In the beginning of our relationship I put his happiness before mine and never prioritized myself, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. He encourages me to find my own happiness and make myself happy. That way it takes the pressure off of him and I am in control of my own happiness. I was so used to toxic relationships that this was a new concept to me. Of course he makes me happy, but learning what I can do to make myself happy and nurturing the relationship with myself has made a massive change in my life. I identify as an empath so negative energy does impact me, when he is having a bad day that is not my fault, it is still easy to go down a mental rabbit holes that put a damper on our relationship. Taking myself out of it, I am able to give him the space he needs to decompress and I know that I am loved. You gotta give yourself the love that you give other people. When you are giving others your absolute all, but you wouldn’t do the same for yourself, for your own sanity you need to start romanticizing the relationship with yourself. Take yourself on a date!

The things listed below are some of the major things that have made a significant difference in my life over the years, I’m not saying that these things are going to work for you, I am just here to say that they worked for me and that you should try to find the things that work for you. As of lately, one of my biggest motivators has actually been from the passing of my favorite human on the planet, my Nana. I was already on a healing journey but her passing made me want to kick it into gear even more. Life is so precious and it is what we make of it. Her legacy was that she had the kindest heart and spirit and she made the best chicken noodle soup. I don’t want my legacy to be known as a sad girl, I want to be remembered for helping people find their inner fire and living my best life. These ten steps for me personally, are how to do just that. Obviously, grumpiness and sadness are still a natural part of life. Get that lie outta your head right now that you are going to be happy 24/7, it’s an unrealistic expectation because life is still going to happen around you. Learning how to deal with life as it happening, is what makes it easier to get through, along with helping you to appreciate the good times even more.

Tips to get started:

1. If you are able in your life situation and you don’t already have a pet, get a pet as a companion (or buy another pet, I’m not here to judge or tell you what to do). A pet will not only put a smile on your face 99.9% of the time, but it also gives you something to take care of and gives you a purpose higher than yourself. A key ingredient to my happiness is doggos, FOR SURE. Don’t get it twisted though, animals are alot of work so don’t make a commitment to something that you aren’t fully in a place to take on oodles of responsibility. Worst comes to worst, Tamagotchi made a huge comeback recently so get you one of those little fellas to take care of or if you’re feeling frisky and wanna try to take care of something that is actually alive and depends on you with no do overs, get you a plant (or five)!
2. Find people that you can relate to and start following them and learning from there. Listen to Podcasts by people who could be of guidance in your new life journey. Some fan faves of mine are Khloe in Wonderland, The Mel Robbins Podcast, Dumb Blonde, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. This part helped me to get out of my own thoughts and it almost made me feel like I was part of their conversations and that I am being spoon fed advice. When you can stop taking advice so personally and use it as fuel to your inner fire, you’ll be a much happier person. Following people on social media is definitely helpful, but spend hours on your phones just doom scrolling.
3. Prioritize physical activity. I’m not saying you have to be in the gym every day for hours at a time, if that is your jam more power to ya, but you could also get by with going for a 15 minute walk outside a few times a week. It doesn’t have to be any thing crazy, but prioritizing your physical health is an absolute necessity to improve your mental health. If more doctors would prescribe diet and exercise as a treatment plan instead of automatically going to a pill of some sort, the world may look different. I am speaking from personal experience in this one, I do understand where pills become necessary for function, I just think there should be more focus on preventative measures and rehabilitation. I’m a dirty hippy, okay?
4. There ain’t no shame in reading a self help book. The amount of resources that we have access to between books and the internet, SHEESH. A book that truly changed my life was Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. It’s a book, I plan to read at least every three months just to pick up on the things I missed. Ya girl has some ADHD and can’t retain much when she reads SO going back through will be huge for me. The more perspectives that we can get on the life, the better. I’m telling ya, I used to be a grumpy b****, I mean, I still kind of am, but I am much better than I used to be and this book really helped me with that. I add on to my favorite book list as I go, I want to learn from all the heroes and sheros.
5. When you first wake up in the morning, name as many things that you can think of to be grateful for. You are absolutely lying to yourself if you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for in your life, if you truly feel that way, then I would say you need to look deep inside and let go of some of your s*** and forgive yourself and whoever else you need to. We can’t go back in life, we can only go forward so don’t carry old garbage around with you. What happens when you don’t throw away trash? It builds up and could build into a hoarder situation. Our minds are not a trash can so it’s best not to keep trash in there for longer than you need to! The more grateful that we are in our daily lives, the more good things that we invite into our lives. Don’t chase, attract, babes.
6. Find the words that you want to be your life mantra. When you are at your most pissed off, you can focus on these words and it helps take your mind off the situation at hand. It is also a good reminder of aligning the life you want to live with your actions. The words that I use are: Happy, Healthy, Wealthy and Kind. Come up with your own fun little variation and begin to live with a different sense of accountability. I only eat three cookies now when I really wanted to eat five, see, healthy! Remember when we say we don’t want something, the universe hears it that we want. Make sure to be intentional with your words, not just in the sense of a mantra!
7. Take CBD Bubble Baths. If you don’t have a bath tub, go to a hotel or something, or order a blowup on on Amazon, just get a tub. Bubble baths are the frickin’ secret to life. Some bubbles, some salt, some CBD, UGH talk about HEALING. It is the perfect opportunity to get out of your own head for a bit and let your body soak in the healing as well. If CBD is something that absolutely can’t get behind, that is okay too, use regular salts! Dr. Teals is *chefs kiss*
8. Find the change that is going to change your life the most, and make it happen. I was not thriving in my job. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great job that paid well, but I would work fifty hours per week and then live in fear all weekend to go back to the place. I am fortunate enough to have a very supporting spouse, but I was able to quit my job and focus on what I want to do with my life. He is an INCREDIBLE tattoo artist (No, I’m not just bias) who owns his own shop so I am fortunate enough to be able to help him with his business and figure out my life.
9. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do something every day that scares you.” I am a big ol’ weenie, I will be the first to admit, HOWEVER, I am working to change that. We went on vacation to one of the most incredible snorkeling places in the world, so I had to snorkel. The only time I had every snorkeled was in a frickin’ pool but my girl Eleanor rang in my ear so I knew I had to try! At first, I was like oh lawd, I have made a serious mistake. I was choking on salt water and fish were almost touching me, EW. But, I had to make the most of the experience so buddy gave me a life jacket and I got my s*** together with the mouth piece and I swam around like a CHAMP. I was able to swim with a turtle and let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible moments of my entire thirty years. IT ALL HAPPENED BECAUSE I STOPPED BEING A WEENIE. Tomorrow, I am going to a boxing class for the first time. Stay tuned for updates on that one.
10. Be kind. It’s pretty simple, just be kind. You can catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, honey. Nobody likes when people are mean to them, so, DON’T BE MEAN TO PEOPLE. Treat others how you would want to be treated, bestie. We can be the kindness that the world needs, if we just get out of our own heads for a minute.

We are on the journey together, babes! I would love to hear more about what you do to bring out your inner baddie! It’s okay to get the saddies sometimes, that is part of life. You just have to be able to bring YOURSELF back to the baddies. No one is coming for you, lets be baddies together.